


Cupid's Chokehold

by fullsunfairy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Chatting & Messaging, Fluff and Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Underage Drug Use, based on my own crackhead groupchat, donghyuck is a reflection of me, i also get high and write weird shit, i have adhd so this is messy, i'll try being funny, non-binary chenle, non-binary renjun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-08-05 19:56:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16374059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullsunfairy/pseuds/fullsunfairy
Summary: sunshine:THANK GODMY HAND IS STUCJ IN A JAR OF PEANUT BUTTERoldest hyung:princess john:bunbun:QUESO:toaster bath:nana:y’all hear sumnbao bei:nope





	1. why y'all keep saying "ight maybe"

**Author's Note:**

> oldest hyung: taeil  
> princess john: johnny  
> mommy 0///0: taeyong  
> anime gf: yuta  
> china line's queen: kun  
> bunbun: doyoung  
> euthanize me: ten  
> QUESO: jaehyun  
> puppy: sicheng  
> junguwu: jungwoo  
> sushi: lucas  
> toaster bath: mark  
> aries: renjun  
> eye smile: jeno  
> sunshine: donghyuck  
> nana: jaemin  
> bao bei: chenle  
> dancing queen: jisung

 

**nctiddies** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 

**sunshine:**

guys

pls

i SEE y’all reading this

**aries:**

what b word

**euthanize me:**

my ass hurts

**mommy 0///0:**

y what happened 

**euthanize me:**

did a split on the dick :(

was fun tho 10/10 would do again

**princess john:**

ten please

**euthanize me:**

please what ;))))))))

**mommy 0///0:**

there’s literal minors???? in this chat???????

**bunbun:**

johnny control ur pet rat

**princess john:**

please..,,,,

**sunshine:**

inch resting

n e ways i need HELP

**dancing queen:**

with what fattie

**sunshine:**

shut up string bean

**dancing queen:**

bitch

**sunshine:**

whore

**dancing queen:**

slut

**mommy 0///0:**

WHY are y’all cursing?

**dancing queen:**

FUCK YOU THAT’S WHY

**mommy 0///0:**

i-

**oldest hyung:**

epic

 

**bao bei:**

ew of course YOU’D still say epic

**oldest hyung:**

it be ya own 

**sunshine:**

PLEASE

I NEED

H E L P

**toaster bath:**

with what

**sunshine:**

THANK GOD

MY HAND IS STUCJ IN A JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER

**oldest hyung:**

**princess john:**

**bunbun:**

**QUESO:**

**toaster bath:**

**nana:**

y’all hear sumn

**bao bei:**

nope

**toaster bath:**

nah

**dancing queen:**

nada

**sunshine:**

markieee :(

**princess john:**

RESIST

**sunshine:**

:’(

**toaster bath:**

sigh

wya

**sunshine:**

the kitchen :)

**dancing queen:**

lmao weak ass

**bao bei:**

sungie~

**dancing queen:**

omw

**eyesmile:**

i-

whipped

**dancing queen:**

jaemin would tell u to lock urself in a freezer and u would only ask for how long

**eyesmile:**

ight maybe

**nana:**

i wouldn’t do that (╯◕_◕)╯

**aries:**

wdym u literally told him to put his hand in a beehive to see what would happen

**puppy:**

i remember we had to convince him NOT to do it.

**nana:**

ight

maybe

 

*

 

**dancing queen:**

guys lele is cuddling me

he’s asleep i’m gonna CRY???

**junguwu:**

awhhhh (◕ω◕✿)

**anime gf:**

why are you gonna CRY?

**dancing gf:**

he’s

uh

very cute

**sushi:**

hol up

does jisung have a C R U S H?

**dancing queen:**

ight

,,,,,, maybe

**junguwu:**

GASP

CONFESS ! ! !ヽ(´▽｀)ノ

when he wakes up

**dancing queen:**

noooooooo

i don’t wanna ruin our friendship if he doesn’t like me back :(

**sushi:**

ouch i felt that

**junguwu:**

aw xuxi is there sum1 u like ??

**sushi:**

ight maybe

**puppy:**

why does everyone keep saying “ight maybe”

**dancing queen:**

pls help

he’s like

so cute ahh

**anime gf:**

just confess don’t be a little BITCH

**dancing queen:**

ok just cuz ur whipped for sicheng DOESN’T MEAN U CAN ATTAC ME

i’m going thru a crisis

**puppy:**

inch resting…

**anime gf:**

first of all shut up jisung i WILL choke you

**dancing queen:**

bet u wish u coukd choke sicheng :((((

**anime gf:**

ight maybe but that isn’t the point you shit stain

**puppy:**

yuta what’s this about wanting to choke me?

**anime gf:**

instead of telling you why don’t i come over and show you

**QUESO:**

right in front of my cheese

**puppy:**

omw

**dancing queen:**

thank me later

anyways the angel is waking up and oh shit he’s gonna see everything in this chat quick SPAM IT

**[euthanize me sent 17 images]** _ (search “johnny facebook” on twitter if y’all wanna know the images) _

**princess john:**

you didn’t have to do me like that

**sunshine:**

FUKJSKJJSKDKF

**toaster bath:**

IM CRINE

**bunbun:**

“Damn he looks like a player. Oh wait…. It’s me.”

IM GONNA PISS MYSELF

**princess john:**

shut-

**china’s queen:**

PLEA SE IM CHOKING

**oldest hyung:**

“Because OBAMA IS FOR JOE MAMA”

**eyesmile:**

STOP IMKSJLKDSJ

**nana:**

I WISH I COULD BREATHE

**aries:**

WHAT IS AIR???

**bao bei:**

what happened

*

*

*

IM CACKLING JOHNNY HYUNG WHY

**Jisung, Ten**

**Jisung:**

thank u hyung

**Ten:**

no problem kid :)

but jisung

**Jisung:**

yea?

**Ten:**

tell lele

i have a feeling he likes you back

**Jisung:**

what if ur wrong :/

**Ten:**

i doubt it

but babes i swear to you, he wouldn’t let your feelings come between you guys. you two have been friends since you were both in diapers.

he’s so attached to you i know he wouldn’t let you DIE without him

also he has the attention span of a squirrel he probs wouldn’t remember after a week

**Jisung:**

sigh

ur right

chenle’s too sweet

but how should i confess?

**Ten:**

wanna know how i told johnny?

**Jisung:**

kun hyung said u guys just had sex 

**Ten:**

LIES

the real story is

we both had a psychology class together and we were kind of friends because we’d sit next to each other during lectures and he’d always ask for paper or pencils and shit

and one day he invited me to his frat party that i was gonna go to regardless with taeil and doyoung

long story short, we hung out the whole time and he wasn’t really a party person despite being in a fucking frat so we went to his room and played monopoly and just talked throughout the night until i fell asleep on his bed

the next morning we had class together but woke up too late and just ended up going to the mall 

it became like a regular thing to hang out n one day he kissed me and now we’re dating :) 

i love him a lot

surprisingly we didn’t have sex until 2 months into our relationship

**Jisung:**

wait hyung that’s so cute :(

i want that with lele

not the uh sex we’re like 3

but being in love and shit :(((

**Ten:**

c o n f e s s

**Jisung:**

hmph

fine

i’ll try to tomorrow

**Ten:**

YES HOE

you’ll be fine i swear

**Jisung:**

thank u hyungie :(

**Ten:**

no prob sungie <3


	2. sunshine changed their name to sadshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> toaster bath:
> 
> hyuck baby i’m coming
> 
> princess john:
> 
> b-baby?
> 
> QUESO:
> 
> oh on GOD?
> 
> anime gf:
> 
> on GANG?
> 
> sushi:
> 
> this is it

**nctiddies** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**mommy 0///0:**

jaehyun why the FUCK is there is there spaghetti in the shower

i almost slipped on it what is going on

**QUESO:**

ahhhh

so THAT’S where it went

**bao bei:**

you think that’s weird?

donghyuck breathed in rubbing alcohol fumes and wouldn’t stop screaming

**mommy 0///0:**

HE WHAT?

**bao bei:**

lol yeah he also threw up on renjun’s art project and continued screeching

**aries:**

i’m still mad about that

**sunshine:**

i can confirm this happened

stick to weed kids!

**mommy 0///0:**

NO WHAT

NO DRUGS PERIODT.

**dancing queen:**

does that mean i can’t do crack w lele :(  
**mommy 0///0:**

I-

YES THAT MEANS NO CRACK WITH LELE

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN

A S K THAT????

**dancing queen:**

sorry angel

**mommy 0///0:**

angel?

**anime gf:**

angel?

**china line's queen:**

angel?

**QUESO:**

angel?

**sushi:**

angel?

**toaster bath:**

angel?

**aries:**

angel?

**bao bei:**

ily sungieヽ(^◇^*)/

**euthanize me:**

JISUNG

HOL UP WHA-

**dancing queen:**

yes i confessed gn streaks im gonna cuddle my angel

**sushi:**

MY MAAAANNN

**junguwu:**

FUCK YES

**princess john:**

wow you made jungwoo CURSE

**china line’s queen:**

ok but details

**dancing queen:**

i just,,, told him i like him?

**bao bei:**

he called me pretty and said he loves my 60 cm head ╰(◡‿◡✿╰)

**anime gf:**

ugh legend

**puppy:**

on worm??? that’s cute as shit

**bao bei:**

we kissed too let’s get this bread boys

**euthanize me:**

oH HE REALLY OUT HERE

**oldest hyung:**

JISUNG MAKIN MOVES

fr tho,,, congrats guys

we’ve waited too long for this

**toaster bath:**

exactly you whores took too long

**dancing queen:**

now it’s time for u and donghyuck

**[Message was deleted.]**

**oldest hyung:**

we literally all saw that

**toaster bath:**

don’t know what you mean

**eye smile:**

guys nana and i were smoochin and all of the sudden he ran away screaming that he drank too much milk and has to shit

**aries:**

odd flex

**bunbun:**

but ok

**nana:**

jeno you absolute slut

i said don’t tELL THEM

**eye smile:**

ok but what are you gonna do about it?

you’re still shitting

**nana:**

bitch

**eyesmile:**

ily too

**china line’s queen:**

i just walked into the kitchen and ten is getting his shit POUNDED lmao

**mommy 0///0:**

WHAT THE FUCK

**junguwu:**

ugh mbn

**sushi:**

what

**china line’s queen:**

hol up

**aries:**

THIS IS IT

**junguwu:**

what

i just want to get fucked

what’s wrong with that

**sushi:**

nothing we just weren’t expecting YOU to say it

**junguwu:**

ahh

**toaster bath:**

inch resting

**sunshine:**

jungwoo hyung invented sex positivity!

**nana:**

does this mean i’m allowed to su-

**mommy 0///0:**

you are a MINOR

**nana:**

you act like 13 year olds aren’t having more sex than you’ve ever had in your lifetime

loser

**mommy 0///0:**

ok wow???

**QUESO:**

it’s ok taeyongie

**mommy 0///0:**

no i feel ATTACKED

**nana:**

it’s only the truth sis

**euthanize me:**

wow jungwoo i didn’t know you were a lowkey thot

**junguwu:**

i literally text you all the time about wanting *****’s dick but ok

**sushi:**

whomst’ve is this mystery man

**euthanize me:**

wouldn’t you like to know

**sunshine:**

that’s why he asked

dunderhead

**euthanize me:**

i-

**sunshine:**

ok but wow lucas you’re even denser than mark

**sushi:**

it be ya own

**junguwu:**

guys don’t bully xuxi :(

**sushi:**

<3

**sunshine:**

you know what…

the boy is YOU lucas

JUNGWOO WANTS YOUR DICK

**junguwu has left the chat**

**sunshine added junguwu to the chat**

**junguwu has left the chat**

**sunshine added junguwu to the chat**

**junguwu has left the chat**

**sunshine added junguwu to the chat**

**junguwu has left the chat**

**sunshine added junguwu to the chat**

**junguwu:**

please

**sushi:**

is that true jungwoo?

**junguwu:**

ight maybe

**sushi:**

so what you’re saying is you like me or you want my dick

**junguwu:**

uhm both

**sushi:**

no way man!!!! i like you too :D

**junguwu:**

ur joking :(

**sushi:**

why would i lie about that i love you woo woo!

**junguwu:**

come to my dorm (^з^)-☆

**sushi:**

omw

**sunshine:**

where the fuck is my thank you

damn you ungrateful hoes

 

*

 

**sungie, lele**

**lele:**

send me

the pics

we took today

**sungie:**

no u

**lele:**

hoe

**sungie:**

fine

**sungie sent an image**

**lele:**

BABYYY (◠△◠✿)

**sungie sent 4 images**

**sungie:**

내 천사, 너를 사랑해. _(my angel, i love you.)_

**lele:**

sungieee

what does that mean yk i don’t speak korean >:(

**sungie:**

it doesn’t matter

**lele:**

bitch i will find out

**sungie:**

qt

**lele:**

你永远在我心中. _(you are always in my heart.)_

**sungie:**

hoe

**lele:**

(｡◕‿◕｡)

**sungie:**

come over big head let’s get ice cream

**lele:**

ok <33 see u in 5

**sungie:**

see u bao bei :)

 **nctiddies** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**bao bei changed their name to angel**

**bao bei changed dancing queen’s name to angel’s bf**

**sunshine:**

y’all really out here

**bunbun:**

can’t believe two 16 year olds got into a relationship before me

this is embarrassing

**oldest hyung:**

you’re telling me

**angel:**

y’all ever just kiss ur boyfriend to flex on taeil hyung and doyoung hyung?

**junguwu:**

yes

**euthanize me:**

yes

**mommy 0///0:**

yes

**eye smile:**

yes

**aries:**

wow all the bottoms texted at once

**eye smile:**

how u kno i bottom bitch

**aries:**

jeno who’s baby are you?

**eye smile:**

jaemin’s

**nana:**

YEERRR

ily qt

**eye smile:**

lmao homo

**nana:**

we’ve been dating since 6th grade we’re literally freshmans in college

how am _I_ the only homo

**eye smile:**

ok but

**nana:**

i’m LITERALLY bisexual

**eye smile:**

pls it was a joke-

**nana:**

YOU’RE the gay one

**oldest hyung:**

tell me why donghyuck is at my dorm smoking from a wax pen

**toaster bath:**

damn is that where he went

don’t worry hyung ima take him back to our dorm

**oldest hyung:**

pls he’s crying now

*

*

*

shit where’d he go

**toaster bath:**

WHAT

**bunbun:**

he’s in the bathroom with me taeil hyung

i’m tRYING TO SHIT WTF

**sunshine:**

SHut up let ME SULK

**toaster bath:**

hyuck baby i’m coming

**princess john:**

b-baby?

**QUESO:**

oh on GOD?

**anime gf:**

on GANG?

**sushi:**

this is it

**toaster bath:**

shUT UP

HE CALMS DOWN WHEN I CALL HIM THAT

**euthanize me:**

wonder how you got to that conclusion

**sunshine:**

markie :((((

i miss you

i’m hungty can uget mcdonalds fries on the way pls

like 6 orders of it

we can split :(

**toaster bath:**

course sunshine

**sunshine:**

ily

**toaster bath:**

ily2 but i’m driving now hyuckie i’ll see u in 3 minutes ok?

**sunshine:**

ok

**puppy:**

wow taking care of hyuck when he’s high must be rough

**bunbun:**

he just cries

or eats and then sleeps

**angel:**

why is he starting to smoke again

**angel’s bf:**

it’s midterms so he’s probs just stressed angel

**angel:**

i’m still worried abt him :(

smoking weed occasionally is fine but he’s been doing it everyday

**euthanize me:**

he’ll be ok lele, donghyuck knows how to handle himself but we’ll all be there for him if he starts falling

**angel:**

ok :((

**toaster bath:**

i got him

he’s asleep in my car now

**angel:**

ur going back to ur dorm ye?

**toaster bath:**

yeah do you and jisung wanna come over

he said earlier he misses you guys

**angel:**

course hyung

**angel’s bf:**

see u there

 

*

 

**princess john:**

he good now?

**toaster bath:**

lol yeah he ate all the fries and made us watch Spirited Away with him

**mommy 0///0:**

tell him we love him

**junguwu:**

!!!!

**toaster bath:**

okok

*

so he’s crying now

**sunshine changed their name to sadshine**

**sadshine:**

i’m sorry imsuch a mess guys

**sushi:**

ahhh hyuckie it’s ok man

everyone has their ways of coping

**sadshine:**

sigh i’m just stressed out becaue of school

and other things

but mostly school

i need an escape sumtimes

**aries:**

we’ll always be there for you <3

**sadshine:**

awh i love it when u get sentimenta-

**aries:**

fatass

**sadshine:**

i-

**angel:**

but really hyuckie we love u!!! you’ll get through the stress :)

**sadshine:**

ugh come gimme a hug big head

**china line’s queen:**

i don’t mean to change the subject

but can we change our names

**toaster bath changed sadshine’s name to mark’s sunshine**

**mark’s sunshine changed toaster bath’s name to hyuck’s rat**

**hyuck’s rat:**

oh nice

**mark’s sunshine:**

sorry i can’t think of a good name whoops

**QUESO changed their name to booty flakes**

**mommy 0///0:**

interesting choice

**nana:**

inch resting*

**aries changed their name to moominluvr69**

**china line’s queen changed their name to dead inside**

**oldest hyung changed their name to golf dad**

**princess john changed euthanize me’s name to abort me**

**abort me changed princess john’s name to emo kid from the lorax**

**emo kid from the lorax:**

you’re aren’t wrong

**abort me:**

<3

**sushi changed their name to not a virgin**

**hyuck’s rat:**

MY MAAAANNNNN

**not a virgin:**

LETS GET IT BOYS

**junguwu:**

such a child ≧◡≦

**junguwu changed their name to xuxi’s baby**

**not a virgin changed their name to XUXI**

**xuxi’s baby:**

:)

**abort me:**

UGH ur power

**bunbun changed their name to author give me lines**

**nana:**

NO THE FOURTH WALL HAS BEEN BROKEN

**author give me lines:**

seriously emily, GIVE ME MORE FUCKING LINES

**author give me lines changed their name to toe sucker**

**eye smile changed nana’s named to chapped lips**

**chapped lips changed eye smile’s name to sub bottom**

**sub bottom:**

no lies detected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot went on in this chapter and i just wanna say i don't promote drug use!!! i use writing as an escape, and make jokes to cope with my issues, hyuck's drug use in this story is a reflection of my issues right now. sorry if this was too angsty, but this chat/incident also happened with my friend's and i irl. also sorry if the korean/chinese i used in this chat was incorrect, i used google translate but u gotta do what u gotta do. AND CAN SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO EMBED PHOTOS? BECAUSE IT'S NOT WORKING FOR ME :( n e ways i promise i'll make up for the angst next chapter!! MUAH!!!


	3. jean paul gaultier spring 2007 couture collection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mark’s sunshine:  
> PLEASE I NEED A COSTUME  
> sub bottom:  
> dress like madeline hjört at the jean paul gaultier spring 2007 couture collection  
> without or with the dress gender roles don’t exist  
> mark’s sunshine:  
> that was oddly specific

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> golf dad: taeil  
> emo kid from the lorax: johnny  
> mommy 0///0: taeyong  
> anime gf: yuta  
> dead inside: kun  
> toe sucker: doyoung  
> abort me: ten  
> booty flakes: jaehyun  
> puppy: sicheng  
> xuxi's baby: jungwoo  
> XUXI: lucas  
> hyuck's rat: mark  
> moominlvr69: renjun  
> sub bottom: jeno  
> mark's sunshine: donghyuck  
> angel: chenle  
> angel's bf: jisung

**nctiddies** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**booty flakes:**

hello emergency

**angel:**

1

2

**angel’s bf:**

what

**angel:**

buckle my shoe

**angel’s bf:**

o,,,oh

**angel:**

3

4

**angel’s bf:**

send an ass picture

**angel:**

that’s not how it goes

**booty flakes:**

children please

**angel:**

shut it fat

i’m gonna be a whole SEVENTEEN in less than a month

**toe sucker:**

…

**puppy:**

hoe don’t do it

**anime gf:**

doyoung pl,,eas E

**toe sucker:**

GEUDAELEUL EOJJEONA?

NEO TTAEMUNE NAN IJE EOJJEONA?

**puppy:**

STOP IT

**dead inside:**

PPAEGOGHI MAEIL, AH MAEIL, AH MAEIL, AH MAEIL

NEGA JOHEUN GEOL EOJJEONA?

**mommy 0///0:**

sigh

jaehyunnie what’s wrong baby

**angel’s bf:**

“baby” um???

g r o s s

**mommy 0///0:**

“lele, angel come here and give me kisses”

shut it child

**angel:**

my heart

**angel’s bf:**

ight MAYBE

**booty flakes:**

please ineed a costume

halloween is TOMORROW

**anime gf:**

be cupid

u were literally born on valentine’s day

**abort me:**

PLEASE OMG

WIG THAT’D BE PERFECT

**mommy 0///0:**

babe if you don’t do it i’ll never suck your dick again

**toe sucker:**

we can’t have that

**booty flakes:**

i’m omw to party city

taeyongie what are you gonna be

**mommy 0///0:**

straight

**golf dad:**

oh no :0

**puppy:**

ur gonna scare all of us away

**angel:**

begone with the hets!

**mark’s sunshine:**

now that that’s over

**mark’s sunshine kicked hyuck’s rat**

**mark’s sunshine:**

help i wanna impress mark

**chapped lips:**

you literally just have to show up to the party and he’ll follow you like a lost puppy

**mark’s sunshine:**

ok but i want some dick

ALSO SHUT IT TAEYONG HYUNG I’M 18 AND WE’RE IN CALIFORNIA I AM L E G A L

**mommy 0///0:**

all i hear is goo goo ga ga

**mark’s sunshine:**

PLEASE I NEED A COSTUME

**sub bottom:**

dress like madeline hjört at the jean paul gaultier spring 2007 couture collection

without or with the dress gender roles don’t exist

**mark’s sunshine:**

that was oddly specific

**sub bottom:**

it was the first thing i thought of cuz

i’m going as rachel alexander without the dress and jaemin is going as kiera gormley

also renjun was supposed to dress like madeline but he’s lame and wanted to be a angel instead

so um we have an unused costume

**mark’s sunshine:**

i looked up her look and

i’m down

**sub bottom:**

LET’S FUCKING GO

**chapped lips:**

you’re literally gonna be the center of attention

**mark’s sunshine:**

when am i not???

**chapped lips:**

ur right

**moominlvr69:**

should probs add mark back

**xuxi’s baby added hyuck’s rat**

**hyuck’s rat:**

why was i unadded-

**mark’s sunshine:**

no reason baby

**hyuck’s sunshine:**

baby- i- ok

**golf dad:**

baby huh

**toe sucker:**

hmm

**XUXI:**

i screamed mark is blushing so much

**xuxi’s baby:**

aw cute

**angel:**

guys jisung bit my tongue

**angel’s bf:**

WHY’D YOU???

TELL THEM??????%$!@&(^

**angel:**

what u gonna do bitch

**angel’s bf:**

um

i didn’t think abt tht

**anime gf:**

AHHH WHY’D YO U BITE HIS TONGUE

**angel’s bf:**

WE HAVEN’T DONE THA TAND IT SCARED ME

**xuxi’s baby:**

THAT’S CUTE

WAIT WAS HE UR FIRST KISS PLEASE UWUWUUWUWU

**angel’s bf:**

STOP IT PELASE

**angel:**

aw it really freaked u out :(

**angel’s bf:**

no angel it just shocked me ur my first everything pls idk howto,,, m a k e o u t

**emo kid from the lorax:**

this is the cutest most awkward convo ohmfkefkfdjkfv

**abort me:**

shhhhh babe

**angel:**

i’ll teach u come back b word

**toe sucker:**

bologna?

**angel:**

no brony B)

**puppy:**

disgusting

**dead inside:**

anyways some guy just put cocaine in my pocket and ran

**emo kid from the lorax:**

nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm literally so sick,,,, this update kinda sucks but i'll make a halloween special and it might come out nov 1 but just pretend it came out on halloween pls :(( thx for reading tho ily!!! also check out the thing jeno mentioned so you get the gist of what j&j and hyuck are gonna be :)


	4. i love you, minhyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyuck’s rat:
> 
> does everyone know i like him
> 
> everyone:
> 
> YES
> 
> puppy:
> 
> baby even OBAMA knows you like him

**nctiddies** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**puppy:**

jisung and chenle are being grossly domestic

**anime gf:**

spill the tea sis

**puppy:**

never say that again you animal

**golf dad:**

ok but what are they doing

**puppy:**

jisung is spread out on the couch and chenle is sitting between his legs

and lele is eating frozen yogurt with his laptop shit in his lap watchin a movie idk n spoon feeding jisung at the same time.

**moominlvr69:**

fucking disgusting

**sub bottom:**

absolutely vile

**anime gf:**

revolting

**xuxi’s baby:**

AWHH that’s adorable ★~(◠ω◕✿)

**moominlvr69:**

yes i agree

**sub bottom:**

exactly

**anime gf:**

truer words were never spoken

**XUXI:**

why is everyone whipped for MY boyfriend wtf

**hyuck’s rat:**

LMAOSJFGFKJFG JAEHYUN HYUNG AT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

**mark’s sunshine:**

PELASE YOU SAWTHAT SHIR TOO???

**hyuck’s rat:**

FKGKFJGJF IT WAS HARD NOT TO SEE

HEART EYES MOTHERFUCKER

**mommy 0///0:**

uwu what’s this?

**booty flakes:**

um

**emo kid from the lorax:**

run

**XUXI:**

jungwoo 

**xuxi’s baby:**

coming baby

**toe sucker:**

y’all my tiddies hurt

**dead inside:**

my arm hurts

**toe sucker:**

ok just ignore me

why

**dead inside:**

i got the flu shot today

**abort me:**

i got mine yesterday

80,000 people died of influenza last winter so you bet my ass is gonna get that fuckass shot

**angel:**

jisung hates shots so i’m gonna force him to get it

**angel’s bf:**

i would literally rather die

**angel:**

pls i don’t want my baby to get sick  o(╥﹏╥)o

**angel’s bf:**

omw to the local pharmacy

**angel:**

muah <3

**dead inside:**

why are there orbeez in the cereal box

@ yukhei 

**XUXI:**

OH SO THAT’S WHERE THEY WENT

**mommy 0///0:**

it’s official, we live in a CRACK HOUSE

**hyuck’s rat:**

that’s bold coming from you

you may be our mom but you’re the biggest crackhead of this group

**booty flakes:**

no lies detected

i remember we were on a date and he randomly pulled his knees to his chest, opened his eyes wide, and stared at me for like 30 seconds

then he went back to normal and ate his spaghetti 

**mommy 0///0:**

honestly

true

**booty flakes:**

it’s all that hair dye angel

**angel:**

no

**angel’s bf:**

stop

angel is a chensung thing bye

**chapped lips:**

hey guys

**sub bottom:**

yeet

**anime gf:**

and WHERE were you two

**sub bottom:**

making out

**chapped lips:**

^^^

**mommy 0///0:**

excuse me don’t you guys have CLASS

**chapped lips:**

astronomy prof cancelled today’s lesson because he was making lasagna 

**sub bottom:**

lmao i skipped mine

FUCK marine biology! ahaha #amiritefellas

**moominlvr69:**

ahem

**sub bottom:**

oh right

fellas and renjun and chenle, the nonbinary KINGS

**moominlvr69:**

mhm

**angel:**

i’m loving this genderqueer representation 

_ (btw, chenle goes by he/they and renjun goes by they/them, this is fictional and is not true in real life, muah!) _

**angel’s bf:**

i love my genderqueer boyfriend

**angel:**

y-you,,, loVe m..e??%^&*

**angel’s bf:**

course baby

how could i not

you’re an actual angel 

my beautiful angel

i’m so in love

with YOU

**angel:**

i-i-

please i love you so much 

i’m SOBBING COME HERE AND KISS ME

**mark’s sunshine:**

i want this

i’m posting this on twitter please jiSUNG IS SO GEEKED FOR LELE

**hyuck’s rat:**

same i love love

**emo kid from the lorax:**

oh my god mark

**hyuck’s rat:**

wut

**emo kid from the lorax:**

u really b crushin

**emo kid from the lorax kicked mark’s sunshine**

**hyuck’s rat:**

does everyone know i like him

**everyone:**

YES

**puppy:**

baby even OBAMA knows you like him

**toe sucker:**

literally everyone BUT hyuck knows you like him and everyone BUT you knows hyuck likes you

**hyuck’s rat:**

i

stop lying

**chapped lips:**

bitch bye.

**emo kid from the lorax:**

ima add donghyuck back and you better SAY SOMETHING TO HIM or im telling him about ur lil crush

im gonna turn 60 by the time yall get ur shit togethr

**emo kid from the lorax added mark’s sunshine**

**mark’s sunshine:**

inch resting

**hyuck’s rat:**

hyuckie can you come to the library

**mark’s sunshine:**

of course

i’ll be there in 10

*

*

*

**nctiddies** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**mark’s sunshine changed hyuck’s rat’s name to hyuck’s love**

**angel:**

OHM YGOFDFHG;LKHGKL

**dead inside:**

IM SHAK ING

**golf dad:**

wait

WAIT

WAIT FUCK HJGHKLJGHLK 

IW ASNT READT

**abort me:**

FUUUUUUUUUCKDJFKDFJ

**emo kid from the lorax:**

fucking finally

**hyuck’s love:**

:) <3

**TWITTER**

_ lele <3, jisung, and others you follow liked this tweet. _

**donghyuckie99:**

i love you, minhyung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this was messy :* sowwy for not posting a halloween chapter i was sick and stressed with school work but uhhhh enjoy dis i guess <3


	5. HIS FOOT STANCE? WACK.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angel:
> 
> HIS HAIR?
> 
> WACK
> 
> angel’s bf:
> 
> HIS GEAR?
> 
> WACK
> 
> angel:
> 
> HIS JEWELRY?
> 
> WACK
> 
> angel’s bf:
> 
> HIS FOOT STANCE?
> 
> WACK

**nctiddies** **(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

******moominlvr69:**

my male reproductive organs are hurting

**dead inside:**

may i ask

w h y

**moominlvr69:**

i need some coochie

**dead inside:**

renjun you like boys.

**moominlvr69:**

boochie*

**dead inside:**

o k

**XUXI:**

alright so basically

yeah so basically

mhm basically yeah

**golf dad:**

*gasp* oh no

taeyong’s crackhead disease spread to yukhei 

**mommy:**

shut up you old ass bitch

DUSTY ass bitch

**angel:**

HIS HAIR?

WACK

**angel’s bf:**

HIS GEAR?

WACK

**angel:**

HIS JEWELRY?

WACK

**angel’s bf:**

HIS FOOT STANCE?

WACK

**angel:**

THE WAY THAT HE TALKS?

WACK

**angel’s bf:**

THE WAY THAT HE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE TO SMILE?

WACK

**golf dad:**

are y’all DONE?

**angel:**

yes hyung

**xuxi’s baby:**

my ass is in pain

fuck you yukhei

**angel’s bf:**

bye.

**sub bottom:**

anyways

renjun would you like some boochie

**moominlvr69:**

you have a boYFRIEND

**chapped lips:**

literally what’s you’re point

**moominlvr69:**

i

true

**toe sucker:**

owo wuts dis?

**sub bottom:**

renjun

my boo

my bae

my angel

**angel:**

don’t u dare

angel is jisung and i’s thing

**dead inside:**

true 

whenever jisung comes over it’s always angel this angel that

or he’ll rant to me

about chenle

“they’re such an angel” “i love them so much my little angel omg”

**puppy:**

ok but the fucking worst is when he calls chenle angel baby

**moominlvr69:**

shut up that’s cute

**toe sucker:**

renjun? an aries? calling something cute?

**golf dad:**

it’s more likely than you think

**abort me:**

i mean

it’s pretty adorable

**anime gf:**

jisung? an aquarius? having feelings and not being emotionally attached?

**emo kid from the lorax:**

it only happens with chenle

**angel’s bf:**

truly don’t appreciate this slander

**golf dad:**

you literally said i looked like a gross middle-aged man because i wore a polo shirt but ok.

**mommy 0///0:**

listen he wasn’t wrong

you looked like a perv

**golf dad:**

only for sicheng

_ golf dad unsent a message. _

_ booty flakes sent a screenshot. _

**booty flakes:**

looks like yuta got sum competition 

sicheng how do you feel

**puppy:**

disgusted

**anime gf:**

i mean

as expected lol.

**puppy:**

well

it’s true

the only people i can tolerate in this gc is the china line minus yukhei

**XUXI:**

man what did i do

**puppy:**

you screamed in my ear about how we don’t have mayonnaise and your sandwich is ruined.

you once copied my biochem project word for word and presented before me so i got in trouble for copying.

you “borrowed” so many of my things and haven’t given them back.

should i go on

**XUXI:**

a point was made.

**dead inside:**

several points were made but ok.

**toe sucker:**

does anyone have the sims 4

i wanna play i’m bored

**xuxi’s baby:**

i mean

i know yukhei has it

but we’re kind of doing sumn right now

**abort me:**

oh?

**toe sucker:**

oh nah

**XUXI:**

shut up no

we’re having dinner y’all are so nasty??????

**toe sucker:** **  
** hey

you thought it too

so does anyone else have it

**chapped lips:**

jisung has it cuz i remember he bought it cuz chenle wanted it

**toe sucker:**

so anyone else

**angel’s bf:**

thank god

**mommy 0///0:**

y u thankin god

**angel’s bf:**

because chenle is with me rn

we are, in fact, doing rated pg13 things

**angel:**

hehe

**mark’s sunshine:**

oh on GANG?

**hyuck’s love:**

ayyy

**angel’s bf:**

shut the fuck up

**hyuck’s love:**

shut the fuck up  _ hyung* _

**angel’s bf:**

we are american and speak english i am not calling you hyung

i’ll only call anyone older than jungwoo hyung

**XUXI:**

it be like that

**booty flakes:**

you and mark are like the same age im?

**XUXI:**

a point!

**chenle, jaemin**

**chenle:**

so

i need help

jisung is in the bathroom 

**jaemin:**

ok?

**chenle:**

i’m embarrassed

**jaemin:**

why would i judge

**chenle:**

sigh

we were just KISSING

and i made a noise

and now i’m embarrassed

**jaemin:**

why lol

**chenle:**

it was WEIRD

**jaemin:**

bro i guarantee he didn’t mind

**chenle:**

i’m still embarrassed 

oh no he’s coming back

**jaemin:**

update me on this amazingly interesting journey

now i’m gonna go make out with renjun

**nctiddies** **(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**

**sub bottom:**

i would like to propose a proposition

#BringBackJisungsBowlcut

_ dead inside has kicked sub bottom (Jeno). _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what was this? idk.  
> hope y'all enjoyed <3

**Author's Note:**

> i hope everyone liked dis uwu. it's sort of based off of my own groupchat with my crackhead friends. anyways i'm gonna try and update this a lot but school is bout hard as shit so yk :( anyways thanks for reading ! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


End file.
